Orwell Was Right, His Timing Was Just a Little Off

Now that we’re gearing up for four more years of enlightened fascism, we’ve all got to learn a new way to speak. Here’s the beginning of a brief guide to Bushspeak. (I’m happy to consider submissions from anyone out there who stumbles across this.) Please print this out and place it near an appropriate passage in your Bible. You’ll be tested on this Later.

Bushspeak ---> Oldspeak

NASCAR Dad ---> Redneck
Security Mom ---> Browbeaten Housewife
National Healing ---> Christian Conversion
Military Tribunals ---> Judgement Day
Clean Air Act ---> Carbon Monoxide Poisoning
Defense of Marriage ---> Kill All the Fags
Mandate ---> Election Fraud
Treason ---> Dissent
Terrorist ---> Muslim
Crusade ---> Crusade
Compassionate Conservative ---> Your Worst Nightmare

“Now, it is clear that the decline of a language must ultimately have political and economic causes: it is not due simply to the bad influence of this or that individual writer. But an effect can become a cause, reinforcing the original cause and producing the same effect in an intensified form, and so on indefinitely. …. It becomes ugly and inaccurate because our thoughts are foolish, but the slovenliness of our language makes it easier for us to have foolish thoughts. The point is that the process is reversible. …. If one gets rid of these habits one can think more clearly, and to think clearly is a necessary first step toward political regeneration: so that the fight against bad English is not frivolous and is not the exclusive concern of professional writers….”

- George Orwell, “Politics and the English Language”