Cheney Signs Order to Prolong Life of Bush Administration
‘Heroic Measures’ Required to Save Presidency on the Brink, VP says
Special to the Associated Press
12 October 2005 17:44
The executive branch has recently been diagnosed as being in a persistent vegetative state due to a series of scandals that show no sign of abating. Insiders admit the White House has been in a coma for months, but had been kept artificially alive through periodic infusions of cash and friendly media coverage.
Among other measures, the order calls for the president to veto a bill that would forbid US soldiers from torturing detainees, which recently passed the Senate by a vote of 90 to 9. The veto – which would be the first issued by the president during nearly five years in office – would at least show signs of minimal brain activity, supporters say.
The document outlined other measures, such as initiating a series of fake terrorist attacks and staging the capture of Osama Bin Laden during the popular Fox News program, Hannity & Colmes.
Administration spin doctors are also contemplating a credibility bypass operation, a complex procedure that would route key policy decisions away from the office of
The vice president, who sported a monocle and stroked a fluffy white cat as he signed the document, returned immediately to his secret mountain lair, located inside an abandoned missile silo in the Badlands of Wyoming.
Through a spokesperson, the vice president said he was confident the administration could hang on long enough for him to complete his master plan for world domination. He then laughed ominously.