Thursday, November 17, 2005

Alito or 'Scalito'? You Be the Judge

Special to The WitList
17 November 2005

On a 1985 application for the job of deputy assistant to then-Attorney General Edwin "Fast Eddie" Meese, Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito stated that "racial and ethnic quotas should not be allowed and that the Constitution does not protect a right to abortion."

According to a New York Times report, Alito expressed a particular distaste for the decisions of the Warren Court.

"He singled out that court's decisions in matters of criminal procedure, the separation of church and state, and the reapportionment of state voting districts to ensure minority groups were equally represented," the paper noted.

On that same job application, under "Hobbies," Alito submitted "cow tipping, minstrel shows, and setting hoboes on fire." Alito added that, though he wouldn't call it a hobby, he enjoyed pulling the left legs off of spiders so they always veered to the right.

Alito attributed the statements on his application to youthful exuberance, coupled with the natural tendency to lie when applying for positions of power. He was 35 years old when he applied for the job.

Thirteen years earlier, while a student at Yale, Alito belonged to an organization that actively opposed affirmative action, homosexual rights, and the abolition of male-only clubs on campus. He also sponsored a campus-wide petition declaring Yale's famous a capella singing group, the Whiffenpoofs, as "too faggy for words."

Alito has vehemently denied that his personal views would ever influence his judicial decisions, though he did admit to receiving legal advice from a sock puppet named Norman.

However, Judge Alito was at a loss to explain how his judicial decisions matched his conservative viewpoints nearly 100 percent of the time, attributing it to "pure coincidence."

"I can't really explain it," he says. "It's uncanny. I mean, what are the odds?"


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