OP-ED: Are Republicans the “White Christian” Party? Oh Pish Posh.

by J. Pierpont Morgan

As a lifelong Republican, I must add my voice to those deploring Howard Dean’s statements about the GOP being “pretty much a white Christian party.” Nothing could be farther from the truth. This form of racial and religious discrimination has got to end -- here, now, today.

In fact, some 18 percent of Republicans claim to be neither white nor Christian, according to a CNN/Gallup poll. That’s means if five Republicans were playing a round of golf, almost one of them would be a Christ-hating noncaucasian (though not at my club).

We Republicans have a proud history of helping the lesser races. Even while filibustering against civil rights legislation, southern Republicans went out of their way to embrace Afro-Americans. Strom Thurmond in particular embraced women of color, spreading the seeds of racial equality far and wide.

As US Civil Rights Commissioner (and Republican corporate attorney) Peter Kirsanow points out in the National Review, George Wallace, Bull Conner, and Lester Maddox were Democrats. Of course, if they were alive today they would be proud NASCAR Republicans, just like all their children, grandchildren and the rest of the trailer park. Some call that prejudice; I call it progress.

Republican administrations have a proud record of minority appointments: Condi Rice, Al Gonzalez, Clarence Thomas, ....and three or four others, I’m pretty sure. In fact, nearly every college-educated black person who’s ever voted Republican has got a government job somewhere. If that’s not enlightened racial relations, I don’t know what is.

The Republican Party has also found common ground with many leading members of the black evangelical community. It turns out they hate fags as much as we do. What a stroke of luck!

We must never forget that Republicans are the party of Lincoln. Also Cadillac, Rolls-Royce, Mercedes, and Lexus. When it comes to high-end luxury automobiles, the GOP plays no favorites.

In short, Republicans love people of all races, whether they’re darkies, spics, wops, hebes, or pickaninnies. We need these people. Somebody’s got to mow the lawn and do the dishes.

Of course, they won’t be going to heaven. That’s reserved for folks like you and me. But they’ll have plenty of company in hell. And Howard Dean is sure to be among them.