Wednesday, September 28, 2005

GOP Looks Toward Future, Prison

Conservative leaders seek cozier nest for jailbirds

CNN -- September 28, 2005
– 03:46 GMT

WASHINGTON, DC -- Top Republicans have been quietly raising money to expand the minimum security prison in Yazoo City, Mississippi, CNN has learned. A new wing will be built to house members of the Bush Administration.

Each cell in the so-called Freedom Wing will feature an ornate cot with sheets made from 600-thread-count Egyptian cotton, a whisper-quiet flush toilet, and a 42-inch plasma TV pre-programmed to Fox News and the 700 Club.

“We’re trying to make their transition to incarceration as painless as possible,” said one fundraiser who asked to remain anonymous.

Over the past 10 days, a Texas grand jury has indicted House Majority Leader Tom Delay (R-TX), federal agents have arrested White House acquisitions chief David Safavian, and the SEC launched an investigation of Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-TN), whose alleged insider trading may have netted him between $2 and $6 million.

Republicans also fear that special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald, scheduled to wrap up his investigation into the outing of CIA agent Valerie Plame next month, will issue a raft of indictments for top White House officials on charges of perjury, conspiracy, obstruction of justice, and violations of the Intelligence Identities Protection Act.

At current rates, roughly 27 percent of top Republican leaders could be behind bars by 2007.

“We’re not conceding that they’re all guilty,” says the donor. “We just want to have the resources in place in case the worst happens.”

Toward that end the Republicans have hired Halliburton subsidiary Kellogg Brown & Root to build the new wing, while recent ex-con Martha Stewart will consult on interior design. Stewart is said to be considering abandoning her usual muted pastels in favor of a bold black-and-white motif, since most of the inmates are unable to see the world in any other way.

He added that a neocon think-tank, The American Enterprise Institute, might open a satellite office in the prison.

“We’re hoping that by keeping them all together in comfort they can avoid the nastier elements of prison life, such as becoming other inmates’ ‘wives’,” said the fundraiser. “Except of course for Karl, who likes that sort of thing.”


Anonymous Liz said...

Love it!! Hope it comes true!

2:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol, that's some Good Sh*t

2:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, but first they've all got to go through orientation at Gitmo -- dogs up the a__ and all. ...
What a hoot! Jonathan Swift would be amused!

3:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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4:53 PM  
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