Judge Roberts Answers Actual Question

Associated Press
September 21, 2005 – 8:58 am

WASHINGTON, DC -- Judge John Roberts was seen answering a direct question while dining at a luncheonette in Washington’s fashionable Georgetown district yesterday.

When asked by a waitress if he wanted pickles with his sandwich, the judge said firmly but politely, “No thank you.”

It was the first direct response Roberts had provided to anyone since being nominated to the Supreme Court in July.

However, the prospective Chief Justice declined to answer whether he would favor mayonnaise or mustard on his bread, citing controversial condiments cases that may come before the court.

Despite numerous requests by Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee, the White House has refused to release hundreds of memos concerning Roberts’ lunching habits while serving in the Reagan and Bush I administrations.

When asked why the administration would not release the documents, a White House official replied, “Why don’t you come over here and make us?”

Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY) said the country needs to know more about the man who could have a dramatic impact on civil liberties for decades to come.

“Soup or salad? Barbecue potato chips or plain? The American public deserves to know where Judge Roberts stands on these issues.”

Though little is known about what Judge Roberts thinks about anything, the fact that he’s tall, handsome, and has really good teeth make him an excellent candidate to rule over the highest court in the land, administration officials said.

“We look forward to him eating our lunches for the next 40 years.”