Wednesday, October 19, 2005

You May Already Be Indicted!

I’m on a few GOP mailing lists, just to keep an eye on what the bastards are up to. Here’s what landed in my mailbox yesterday.

Dear DAN:

You may already be indicted!

Yes, that’s right. If you’re an elected Republican official, there may be a sealed subpoena with your name on it – and you wouldn’t even know it.

Why wait for a grand jury to knock down your door? Sign up for Republican Defense Services today!

At RDS, we offer only the finest legal services for discriminating tastes. We specialize in crafting foolproof defenses against any of the following charges:

* money laundering
* insider trading
* accepting lobbyist kickbacks
* exposing covert agents
* perjury and/or obstruction of justice
* criminal conspiracy
* treason

Republican Defense Services believes in deciding a case long before you ever see the inside of a courtroom. Using select television, radio and print outlets, we’ll stage your trial in the media, while launching a vicious smear campaign against your detractors. Our publicity blitz will make it virtually impossible for any court to select an unbiased jury.

ACT NOW, and you’ll receive for no extra charge....

... Tastefully retouched photos of you looking confident and resolute in front of a waving American flag

... A media-ready video package, showing you hugging babies and rescuing lost puppies

... Our award-winning sleep tape series -- “I do not recall,” “I’m sorry, I don’t remember the incident in question,” and “To the best of my recollection, I do not recall.”


For a short time only, you can sign up at the low low rate of only $6,999 per hour! Or purchase an entire year’s defense for only $9,999,999.99 – a savings of over 600 percent!!!

Covert operators are standing by

This offer is available only to registered members of the GOP. Residents of Massachusetts or New York need not apply. Void where prohibited by personal ethics.


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