Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Republicans Propose New Ethics Rules

They promise to be good this time--really, they mean it

Associated Press
18 January 2006 20:44 GMT

WASHINGTON, DC -- Congressional Republicans today proposed a series of tough new ethics rules to clean up a city still reeling from a massive influence-peddling scandal.

"From now on, no more free lunches," intoned House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-IL), accompanied by his imaginary spokesperson, Winkie.

Under the GOP's proposed rules, members of Congress could accept no more than $20 in free meals from lobbyists. However, legislative aides would still be allowed to consume a more expensive meal, then regurgitate it into the member's mouth.

Lobbyists would be prohibited from paying for Congressional travel, though piggyback rides and foot massages would still be acceptable under the new proposal.

Congress would also have to comply with stiffer disclosure rules. For example, members would be required to disclose the serial number of every dollar bill slipped into a stripper's G string, regardless of the stripper's breast size.

Former members would be prohibited from becoming lobbyists for a period of two years after their term has ended, and their salaries would be capped at $2.2 million dollars for every year served in the House or Senate. Those who were forced to sit near Dick Cheney would be eligible for an additional $200,000 a year.

Strangely, the new rules did not address the millions of dollars funneled annually to Congressional campaigns through lobbyists and their intermediaries, or corporate lobbyists' unfettered ability to dictate legislation favorable to their clients.

"Some things are not so easy to fix," concedes Winkie. "Rome wasn't corrupted in a day."


Blogger quixote said...

The Tom Delay post below appeared on memeorandum--as I'm sure you know by now. However, the direct link they give leads to a blank page.

Which is unfortunate, because having found the actual blog, I've just spent a couple of hours here. Great stuff! And as a minstrel, you outclass some of the things I've heard on Capitol Steps. I shall be watching your future progress with considerable interest!

10:28 PM  
Blogger dt said...


thanks for the kind words. didn't know about the memeorandum link (or the site, for that matter), and I can't find any link to the witlist on there. anybody out there in blogland got a permalink to that you'd be willing to share?


11:45 AM  
Anonymous Audrey Yoeckel said...

dt, I can't offer the memo link, but you should know your Seuss spoof was recommended by firedoglake and I know for a fact it's being passed around. Unfortunately, the direct link to the piece is not working. I've had to correct it for people I sent it to as well. With such amazing delightful work you're doing here, it should not go unnoticed.

1:16 PM  

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