Bush Nears Record

President just five points away from Nixon's mark

Special to The WitList
12 May 2006

WASHINGTON, DC -- According to Harris Interactive, President Bush's approval rating now stands at 29 percent. It is the first time the president's popularity has dropped below the 'magic 30 percent' figure in any poll.

Mr. Bush's new low puts him just five percentage points away from the all-time leader, Richard M. Nixon. The legendary Sultan of Sleaze registered an approval rating of just 24 percent in August 1974, days before he resigned in the wake of the Watergate scandal.

Anxious fans are now following the president's every appearance, waiting for history to happen. With a new domestic spying scandal in full swing and Rove indictments on the way, supporters are confident Bush will break the record some time this summer.

However, critics say Mr. Bush's record-breaking effort is tainted by his use of controlled substances in the 1970s and 1980s, which rendered him as simple-minded as a child.

"It's hard to be totally corrupt when you can't even spell 'corrupt'," says one aide, who declined to be named.

Critics also note the president has enjoyed advantages not available to Mr. Nixon. Though both men presided over an unpopular war and a scandal-plagued administration, Bush's quest for the record was aided by his disastrous response to Hurricane Katrina, a trigger-happy vice president, and the most corrupt GOP-lead Congress in more than 100 years.

Officials at Harris Interactive have stated that if the president does surpass Mr. Nixon's mark, there will be no asterisk next to his name in the record books.

"A record is a record, no matter how deplorable," said the spokesman.