Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Limbaugh More Popular Than Staph, Poll Says

Right wing talk show host leads Pelosi, trails serial killers

By Dan Tynan
Special to the WitList

In a national poll, CBS News reports that the fresh new face of the Republican Party, Rush Limbaugh, received a favorable rating of 19%. That's slightly below the 22% registered by departing President George W. Bush last January, but better than former vice president Dick Cheney (13%) and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (18%).

A closer look at the numbers, however, reveals a slightly different story. For example, Limbaugh is more popular than the majority of bacterial infections. The rotund radio host scored higher than staph (13%) and streptococcus (17%), but lower than painful rectal itch (22%).

Limbaugh fared much better among residents of trailer parks (44%), the morbidly obese (57%), members of the Oxycontin rehab community (42%), individuals whose parents were first cousins when they married (47%), and regular viewers of Fox News (98%).

“We lack Rush cuz he's be one of us,” survey respondent Wanda Dohicky of Marfarr, Kansas, said of Limbaugh, who earns a reported $33 million a year and has been known to light his trademark cigars with stolen welfare checks.

The porcine populist still lags behind Charles Manson, the Son of Sam, and John Wayne Gacy (all tied at 24%), but remains ahead of comedian Gilbert Gottfried (7%).

Republican party officials contacted for this story were last seen attempting to commit seppuku rather than comment.



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