Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Granny is a Commie

It seems that the American Association of Retired Persons are nothing more than a bunch of flaming liberal freethinkers who want to take away our guns and promote a pro-gay agenda. Who knew?

That's the yarn being spun by USA Next, an ersatz “grass roots” conservative organization started by a direct-mail millionaire and run by the same cast of wacky characters who brought us Swift Boat Veterans for Truth.

The AARP has had the audacity to oppose Bush’s plan to dismantle Social Security. So the Swifties—er, USA Next--exhumed 93-year old Art Linkletter and made him national chairman, then planted him on Fox News to give them 70- and 80-year-old whipper snappers a right ass-whuppin’.

Still, the liberal/codger theory would explain a lot. The seniors in my neck of the woods are always dropping Ex (Lax) and going to all-night raves (right after their naps). During the early bird special at the local buffet they invariably order the fish plate. Effin’ vegetarians. Kerry voters for sure.

The most amazing thing about all of this is that Art Linkletter isn’t dead yet. If anyone has earned the right to be dead, it’s Art Linkletter. On the other hand, he clearly looks dead. Perhaps the Swifties dug him up and pumped him full of viagra to keep him, umm, upright. (‘Ya know, corpses say the darnedest things.’)

Me, I believe it’s a deliberate distraction. A red flag to keep your mind off the gay hooker in the White House press room, W’s private revelations of ‘youthful indiscretion’ (that’s Republican for ‘snorting coke til your eyeballs bleed’), the ongoing rape of the environment and, oh yeah, all those body bags coming home from Iraq.

1 Comments:

Blogger fujismama said...

oouu. Am a new blogger. Loved this tale. Talk about a stinger right in the toush! That artic circle is diminishing FAST. MSN had a tiny title about it. Then the flowers in Death Valley- the news reader closed with " A child learning to walk today will probably not see this again until she has children of her own" who are they trying to kid?( excuse the pun) This folks is the beginning of the end .. "Oh and look!" I hear them squeal "Isnt the end pretty...."
"Those for quailodes please stand to the right and prozac on the left". Have added you to my fav's. keep it coming.

9:30 AM  

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