Schindlers Turn to Cochran for Help

Associated Press

March 30, 2005

PINELLAS PARK, Fla. -- In a last ditch effort to save their daughter, Bob and Mary Schindler have hired famed defense attorney Johnny Cochran to plead for Terri Schiavo’s life before the Supreme Court.

The Schindlers seemed unfazed by the news that Cochran had died two days earlier of an inoperable brain tumor.

“No one understands the sanctity of life better than the recently deceased,” Bob Schindler declared in a written statement. “We’re pleased and honored to have such a distinguished barrister on our side.”

Cochran first rose to national prominence in the OJ Simpson trial, where he proved that with enough money and some clever rhymes even an obviously guilty man can be acquitted.

Experts in the direct mail industry praised the move.

“With Cochran’s name recognition, we’ll be able to raise our response rates by 2 or 3 percent,” said one marketer who declined to be named. “That will bring our fundraising capabilities to a whole new level.”

Schindler said Cochran had already been hooked up to a feeding tube, respirator, defibrillator, and dialysis machine, and had begun to show signs of rallying.

When asked for comment, a subdued Cochran was reported to mutter, “If she breathes, they must reprieve.”