Lieberman to Launch New Political Party

Vows to continue sucking up to White House

12 July 2006
Special to the WitList

HARTFORD, CN -- Senator Joseph Lieberman (D-Conn) has revealed his intention to create his own political party, the WitList has learned.

The three-term senator says if he loses his state's Democratic primary to upstart candidate Ned Lamont, he will launch a third national party that would appeal to moderates unhappy with cut-throat conservatives and chicken-hearted liberals.

"I believe there is a middle ground between the party of division and the party of indecision," Lieberman declared. "I believe you can be both divisive and indecisive at the same time."

Lieberman said he was still mulling whether to call his party the Demopublicans or the Republocrats, though highly placed sources claim he is leaning toward "Liebertarians."

The former vice presidential candidate promised his new party would be very strong on national security, though he conceded that by "nation" he was referring largely to Israel.

Lieberman also said his party would strongly favor earmarking, the process by which members of Congress say "thanks" to large campaign donors by awarding them billions of dollars worth of government contracts at the last possible moment.

"I believe every state should build a 'Bridge to Nowhere,' " said Lieberman. "And if enough bridges are built, they will eventually connect and lead to somewhere, possibly even Hartford."

Lieberman denied that a third-party run would guarantee that Connecticut elected a senator even more friendly to Bush policies than he has been, if such a thing is possible.

"I believe that what's good for Joe Lieberman is good for Connecticut, and for the nation," he said. "But most especially for Joe Lieberman."