Limbaugh Detained on Drug Charges

Radio host strip searched at airport, thousands flee

Special to the WitList
27 June 2006

PALM BEACH -- Right wing radio host Rush Limbaugh has been detained at the Palm Beach International Airport on suspicion of possessing illegal prescription drugs, The WitList has learned.

Limbaugh was returning from a visit to the Dominican Republic, where he was named Asshole of the Year by the Dominican Council on Assholes. Limbaugh had been arrested on drug charges in April and reached a plea bargain with Palm Beach prosecutors. The portly pundit had been accused of "doctor shopping" in order to fill thousands of prescriptions for Oxycontin over a three month period.

Airport security officials reluctantly strip searched the rotund Republican, where they found a sizable cache of pharmaceuticals. Officials refused to specify where the pills were found, but sources report it was in a part of Florida where the sun seldom shines.

The drugs included Viagra and illegal male hormones. Limbaugh's publicist claims the fleshy fascist was merely carrying the pills for Ann Coulter, a resident of West Palm Beach and several other Florida counties, according to voter registration records.

Officials initially suspected the "Hillbilly Heroin" addict of attempting to smuggle a small caliber pistol in his pants pocket. The mistake was later attributed to an accidental overdose of Viagra, suffered when Limbaugh attempted to hide the pills under his tongue.

On hearing the news, Senatorial hopeful Katherine Harris cancelled a planned speaking engagement in Gainesville and chartered a private plane to be by Limbaugh's side.

"I cannot let this man suffer alone," cried a tearful yet strangely excited Harris. "Hasn't he been prosecuted enough?"