Monday, July 16, 2007

Bin Laden to Make Presidential Bid

Says he's tanned, rested, and ready to run in 2008

Special to The WitList
17 July 2007

PESHAWAR, Pakistan -- In a surprise move, Osama Bin Laden has declared his intent to seek the Republican nomination for president in 2008. Speaking via a video press release, the al Queda leader said he decided to toss his turban into the ring because he wanted to give something back to the party that has helped him so much over the years.

In overnight polls, the terrorist mastermind was already drawing better numbers than former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee.

Though the US Constitution requires presidential candidates to be born in the United States, Bin Laden says the White House has ignored so many laws already, one more surely won't matter.

As president, Bin Laden vowed to continue Bush Administration policies of bankrupting the US Treasury, subverting the Constitution, flouting the rule of law, and encouraging personal corruption. However, he would immediately withdraw troops from Iraq.

"Now that we have gained control of the country, there's no longer any need for a sustained US presence," noted an al Queda spokesterrorist.

Inside sources believe Bin Laden may be secretly eying a vice presidential nomination, because he wants to be where the power truly lies. "A Romney-Bin Laden ticket could bring all the fundamentalist kooks out of their caves," said one highly placed source.

Some neocons were intrigued by the idea of Bin Laden in the Oval Office, arguing that it might be easier to keep an eye on the world's most wanted criminal inside the White House, or whatever branch of government the Vice President's office happens to be in at the moment.

"If Bin Laden is elected in 2008, that would mean the Bush presidency has been a success," noted William Kristol, editor of The Weekly Standard. "I like the odds. "


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