US Removes North Korea from Terror List, Adds Alaska
Special to The WitList
According to officials at the US State Department, the Democratic People's Republic of Korea has met all of the requirements for being delisted from the Axis of Evil, including persuading North Korean leader Kim Jong-il to change his name to Joe Camel to make it easier for President Bush to pronounce.
However, state department officials filled the slot created by the country's removal with Alaska, citing a growing threat from a landmass more than 12 times the size of Korea.
Though the 49th state has no known nuclear weapons program, it is ruled by an unstable leader who recognizes no legal limits on her power and seems determined to achieve world domination, noted a state department official who wished to remain anonymous. Governor For Life Sar Ah Pal-in commands nearly 4000 national guard troops, making it the 47th largest standing army in the nation.
"Besides, she can see Russia from her backyard," said the official. "That puts her right next door to the largest nuclear arsenal on the planet."
Governor Pal-in has been known to target political enemies and draws large, angry mobs wherever she appears. In a statement, the governor denied allegations that she has abused her powers and threatened to fire anyone who claimed otherwise.
Todd Pal-in, First Consort to the Governor, said the terror listing will make little difference to Alaskans, who own an average of 27 guns apiece. "We were gonna secede from the union, like, any day now anyway," he said. "Just as soon as moose hunting season is over."