One in Three Americans Believe Saddam Behind 9/11

Also unable to identify key body parts, form coherent sentences

Special to The WitList
25 September 2006

A New York Times/CBS News survey last week revealed that one in three Americans -- some 31% -- still believe Saddam Hussein was behind the 9/11 attacks. This comes despite numerous public statements to the contrary by President Bush, including one last month when he virtually shouted that Saddam had nothing to do with 9/11 during a televised news conference.

The WitList has secretly obtained the raw data from that survey. It turns out pollsters asked several additional questions of that benighted 31% whose answers have never been revealed -- until now.

Survey Says

... when asked to locate their own buttocks, 63% pointed to a map of Brazil. However, 12% correctly identified Brasilia as their ass's capital.

.... 43% think Madonna (the singer) is the birth mother of Jesus (the savior). However, only 17% believe she is still a virgin.

.... 57% said they believe the earth is shaped like a pizza -- mostly flat with a raised lip around the edge so the fish don't fall off. More than half believe the continents were formed when pepperoni collided with molten cheese.

.... 72% declared they don't believe in evolution, global warming, or electricity. An additional 22% volunteered that they don't quite understand how Rush Limbaugh manages to get small enough to fit inside their car radios.

Of those surveyed, 73% identified themselves as Republican, 14% claimed to be independent, and the rest couldn't remember the question. All, however, said they watched Fox News religiously.