Al Qaeda Launches Franchisee Program

Boasts 'Over 1 billion terrorized'

Special to The WitList
25 July 2007

CHARLESTON, SC -- President Bush hammered home the growing threat from al Qaeda yesterday, invoking the name of the terrorist organization 118 times in a 29-minute speech.

"Some say that Iraq is not a part of the broader war on terror," Bush said. "They claim that the organization called al Qaeda in Iraq is an Iraqi phenomenon -- that it's independent of Osama bin Laden and it's not interested in attacking America. That would be news to Osama bin Laden."

Classified material in the recent National Intelligence Estimate (NIE) appears to confirm the president's statements.

According to sources within the intelligence community, Osama Bin Laden has been funding his operations by selling regional franchises in the worldwide terrorist network. Though al Qaeda in Iraq is the best-known spinoff, the group has also been licensing terror franchises throughout Afghanistan, Pakistan, and other parts of the Muslim world.

“Our growth plan is going better than we could have dreamed, praise Allah,” said a spokesterrorist for the group. “We would like to thank the Bush administration for making all of this possible.”

Later this year, al Qaeda plans to open a chain of Islamofascist restaurants in the United States, along with a marketing campaign featuring a terrorist clown named Osama McBama.

Among other promotions, the restaurants will offer a free improvised explosive device with every McMartyr Happy Meal. Drive-through windows will allow Jihadists to get a good burger and then blow themselves up without leaving their cars.

A White House senior official scoffed at the notion that Bin Laden, who has managed to elude capture for nearly six years, would be able to sell Sharia Shakes or Fallujah Fries to a terror-fatigued American public.

“We will continue to fry them over there, so we don't have to fry them over here,” he said