President's Colon Claims Executive Privilege
Special to the WitList
20 July 2007
WASHINGTON, DC -- President Bush's colonoscopy, scheduled to take place on Saturday morning, hit a snag this afternoon when the organ in question refused to submit to an investigation. Speaking through their attorney, the president's ileum, duodenum and jejunum rejected all attempts to examine them, claiming their contents were protected by executive privilege.
However, senior advisers believe a compromise can still be reached where the colon would submit to a probe, provided it was not under sedation and no records were kept.
If the scheduled procedure does take place, Vice President Cheney will temporarily assume the reins of command under the 25th Amendment, one of three Constitutional amendments not yet violated by the Bush Administration.
Cheney has secretly urged the president to undergo a much more extensive examination, saying that the scheduled four-hour procedure barely gave him enough time to position his solar death ray over Iran.
White House spokesman Tony Snow said he could not comment on an ongoing investigation, but was confident doctors would find no evidence of wrong doing.
Snow confirmed that the president's anus was under strict orders to not to leak classified information. If true, it would become the only asshole in this administration to not reveal state secrets.